Do as I say, not as I...
Posted on Thu Jun 25th, 2026 @ 2:09am by Captain Dick Sprague
Edited on on Thu Jun 25th, 2026 @ 4:36pm
910 words; about a 5 minute read
Mission:
Do as I say, not as I...
Location: USS Albion
Timeline: Current
OFF:
Finally, here we go!
ON:
{USS Albion, Bridge}
3 months ago...
#SNIP#
Star: ::on screen in a lounge chair, wearing swim trunks and a flower pattern Risa shirt; accidentally knocks the Horga'hn replica and decorative art from his tray table with his umbrella'd drink:: =/\=Dick, you've been a superstar these last few missions. In fact, right now you're the highest rated Captain in the quadrant. What's the secret sauce, Dick?=/\=
Key: "Chocolate sauce?"
Star: =/\=I have an elite Star Fleet command and crew evaluation team en route to the Albion right now. Their mission is to observe and annotate everything you do so we recreate your magic on other ships.=/\=
Key: "Magic... Magic cake?"
Star: ::accidentally knocks his drink over while attempting to return the Horga'hn replica and decorative art to his tray table:: =/\=Tell them everything you know and show them everything you do... I don't want just one Dick, I want 100 Dicks.=/\=
#SNIP#
Present Day...
Sprague: ::pacing about the bridge, muttering:: "U.S.S. Albion. Captain's personal log. With most of our mission mess cleaned up, we're almost back to Starbase 10. Yet I feel uneasy and I wonder why. Perhaps it's the emptiness of this vessel. Six, I mean seven. Our maybe eight? Of our crew have been reassigned--"
Computer: ::loud enough for everyone to hear:: "Error code 409. Log entry is identical to prior entry. Current entry is deleted. Please try again."
Sprague: "Uh, I'll be in my ready room." ::quickly exits::
Key: ::follows Sprague into ready room::
6 hours later...
{USS Albion, Captain's Ready Room}
Sprague & Key: ::passed out on the couch with snacks, desserts, and wrappers on and around them::
Main screen (Female News Anchor): ::Federation News Broadcast:: =/\=In other Beta Quadrant news, Star Fleet's woes continue. Our very own Monica Harmony has the details on this latest mishap from Beta Formalidies IV. Monica?=/\=
Main screen (Monica Harmony): =/\=That's right, Jess. Jayden Bunge, Captain of the USS Bridgeport, caused another intergalactic incident for Star Fleet when he tried to hold a hot dog eating contest with the leaders of Beta Formalidies to build mutual trust and understanding. While it might seem innocent at face value, Beta Formalidies is entirely vegan.=/\= ::Purple aliens throw hotdogs at Star Fleet officers and storm out::
Main screen (Male News Anchor): =/\=Belch! Where's Joey Chestnut when you need him?=/\= ::laughs, then turns serious:: =/\=But Star Fleet's latest troubles don't end there. Just 3 sectors away on the USS Waterbury, Captain Kayden Plunge caused 16 trillion credits of damage to the 21 trillion credit vessel when he set all food replicators to auto-replicate. The food just kept coming, eventually causing catastrophic damage to tactical, engineering, life support, and even saucer section structural integrity. The Waterbury's now going to need at least *six* months in space dock for repairs.=/\=
Main screen (Young Male Ensign): ::covered in food:: =/\=I barely made it out alive. Let's just say I won't be eating chocolate sundaes anytime soon.=/\= ::image shifts to show a heavily damaged ship in a tractor beam::
Main screen (Female News Anchor): =/\=Casey, what is going on with Star Fleet?=/\=
Main screen (Male News Anchor): =/\=Jess, that's the 64 trillion credit question everyone is asking. It all began with the cake incident on Zula Antares III three months ago. Then Captain Brayden Dunge and the USS Hartford, the destruction of Starbase 18, the accidental rendering a class M planet uninhabitable, both the Klingon Empire and the Romulan Star Empire declaring war on the Federation..."
Main screen (Female News Anchor): =/\=The Borg invasion...=/\=
Main screen (Male News Anchor): =/\=--Don't forget the Q continuum!=/\=
Main screen (Female News Anchor): =/\=How does Star Fleet turn this around?=/\=
Admiral Star: ::appears on the main screen, replacing the news:: =/\=DICK!=/\=
Sprague: ::snaps awake, launching a half nibbled pastry from his chest onto Key's face:: "It was only 4,000 calories, I promise!"
Key: ::doesn't budge::
Admiral Star: =/\=Dick, I don't know what happened, but the evaluation team screwed up. They clearly didn't pass your wisdom on to the rest of the fleet. I've fired them all.=/\=
Sprague: "Well, I uh--"
Admiral Star: =/\=So I need you and your crew to do it yourselves.=/\=
Sprague: "But, um--"
Admiral Star: =/\=I'm reassigning most of your officers, in teams of two, on special missions to other ships to get them up to speed with the Sprague Way.=/\= ::holds up a PADD:: =/\=And I've got another mission for the Albion.=/\= ::holds up another PADD:: =/\=You and that other outstanding officer, Commander Key, should be able to handle it by yourselves.=/\=
Desk Monitor: ::text appears::
Team #1: USS New Haven
Commander Jackson Andrews, Executive Officer
Ensign Bloom Reyes, Nurse
Ensign Chuck Blastemann, Explosives and Ordinance [Red Shirt NPC, accidentally assigned as the third member of the team]
Team #2: USS New London
Lieutenant JG Tessa Vale, Support Craft Pilot
Lieutenant JG Tessa Ferra, Chief Counselor
Team #3: USS Norwich
Marine Captain Emily Janeway, Marine Commanding Officer
Theridion Grallator, Bartender
Team #4: USS New Britain
Ensign Katherine Hobbes, Assistant Chief Engineering Officer
Ensign Sural Desh’rak, Assistant Chief Science Officer
Team #5: USS New Milford
Lieutenant Alexander Carter, Chief Security/Tactical Officer
Lieutenant Commander Grexx, Chief Engineering Officer
Team #6: USS Newington
Lieutenant Julius Mack, Chief Science Officer
Ensign Sural Desh’rak, Assistant Chief Science Officer
OFF:
That's it! Have fun and be creative!
Take it a direction the rest of us don't see coming.
Remember: short, quick posts that set it up for the next author to do the same!
Captain Dick Sprague
Commanding Officer
USS Albion NCC-3020
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